Khan's Castle

Loss is something that sticks with me, for whatever reason. I have no idea if I'm unusual in the degree to which I feel it. I have no way of knowing, but my guess is that my feelings, both in content and intensity, are as common as leaves on trees. Things that get me sometimes:

• My dog that had to be put down in 1990. Such a great companion! I haven't wanted a dog since. It may be odd that this is at the top of this list, but it always is.
• Losing a particular climbing partner when I moved away from the area for good. That was hard enough, but after an email argument over politics and the years passing, I only get to talk to him when visiting. Nowadays, he and his wife have a lot on their plate, and so for now, there's legitimately no opportunity.
• My first and only marriage. I was and am devastated. Not much else to say about that except that I can now freely admit my share of blame for it.
• The .22 rifle that my Dad gave me for Christmas when I was 12. It's not the thing that was important, it was the connection with my Dad that it represented.
• Time lost not doing what I really wanted to do because I was afraid of failing or of what people might think.
• Aspects of a relationship with one friend are being lost, something I struggle with.

A wise and compassionate friend mentioned that he views some of these things as change, not loss.

And with that advice, I remember that my suffering is all in my state of mind. Things are impermanent and not letting attachments own me is where my work is.