Khan's Castle

New York City.

A good friend—the reason I am here—shared fine meals and congenial company with me and gave me compassion and laughter. We walked and talked for hours.

He also gave me the space to be me.

Thus, in a paradoxical turn, this busiest of locales became a place of solitude and reflection. A number of hours were spent alone sitting, thinking, and praying over events in my life, happenings in my mind. As my thoughts wandered through pain and grief from the past and fears of the future, emotions came and went like the tide. Fingers of loneliness felt through me, blocking my attempts to return to the present, to center.

A talk with a wise person helped me see a way forward.

In truth, my life could have been much worse—countless peoples' are—but I and others of my family share certain hurts, some of which caused me to hurt others, and as I come to a deeper understanding, ignoring them and carrying on as before feels wrong.

Looking deep inside to find my true self will be difficult.

I'm scared.

Pray for me and wish me luck.