Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Last night, I lost my temper with someone very dear to me. I distinctly remember several instances of choosing to escalate my anger at my loved one's expense. I essentially and willingly voilated any number of precepts that I know to follow, things that if lived by bring peace. Issues were on my mind, stresses of life were perhaps greater than normal, but still, my behavior was reprehensible. In retrospect, it was all for no good reason.
Was it understandable? Yes. I'm human.
Forgivable? I hope so. I apologized to this person and I believe it was accepted. I asked their forgiveness and was told that it was given.
The hard part: Can I forgive myself?
Part of what I've learned of late is that in order to love others I must first learn to love myself. I must have compassion for myself before I can have it for others. Now I find in the aftermath of such an incident—self-loathing now quelled with the help of a talk with a friend—here in my middle years, that I scarcely know what "compassion for myself" looks like.
I need to learn, though, for my own sake and for the sake of those around me.
Was it understandable? Yes. I'm human.
Forgivable? I hope so. I apologized to this person and I believe it was accepted. I asked their forgiveness and was told that it was given.
The hard part: Can I forgive myself?
Part of what I've learned of late is that in order to love others I must first learn to love myself. I must have compassion for myself before I can have it for others. Now I find in the aftermath of such an incident—self-loathing now quelled with the help of a talk with a friend—here in my middle years, that I scarcely know what "compassion for myself" looks like.
I need to learn, though, for my own sake and for the sake of those around me.
# posted by goldpython @ 3:05 PM 
