Thursday, February 01, 2007
Things in life right now conspire to turn my thoughts inward , and symmetrically, to turn my thoughts outward in other ways.
Inward. . .
Musings on my childhood inform the present. I am the youngest of five. Our home was busy, often chaotic. My mother worked and I was normally greeted after my walk home from school by our maid. My parents bickered a lot. Sarcasm was the order of the day. To reveal weakness was to invite insult and character assassination.
I was just a little boy.
I'm also sensitive in some ways. I cry easily—perhaps because I was explicitly given permission by my mother at my grandfather's funeral. My feelings are hurt easily. It upsets me when people are angry with me.
I was no match for my home. I laid low and lived my life in isolation to survive. I hid.
I still do. And it's done its share of harm.
I'm almost 50.
That hardly seem appropriate, does it?
Now, outward. . .
I have some wonderful friends: They talk with me when I need it. They offer to help if they can. They share their life experiences with me. Some of my family has laid down their arms and are taking up a life that includes kindness and compassion. They help, too.
What to make of it all?
I need to change. I have friends and family—not to mention professionals—that can help.
It's time I get moving.
Inward. . .
Musings on my childhood inform the present. I am the youngest of five. Our home was busy, often chaotic. My mother worked and I was normally greeted after my walk home from school by our maid. My parents bickered a lot. Sarcasm was the order of the day. To reveal weakness was to invite insult and character assassination.
I was just a little boy.
I'm also sensitive in some ways. I cry easily—perhaps because I was explicitly given permission by my mother at my grandfather's funeral. My feelings are hurt easily. It upsets me when people are angry with me.
I was no match for my home. I laid low and lived my life in isolation to survive. I hid.
I still do. And it's done its share of harm.
I'm almost 50.
That hardly seem appropriate, does it?
Now, outward. . .
I have some wonderful friends: They talk with me when I need it. They offer to help if they can. They share their life experiences with me. Some of my family has laid down their arms and are taking up a life that includes kindness and compassion. They help, too.
What to make of it all?
I need to change. I have friends and family—not to mention professionals—that can help.
It's time I get moving.
# posted by goldpython @ 4:56 PM 
